Sunday Night

I can't put my finger on it, but something about Cedar Falls just eases my anxiety. Lately I've been getting this weird tightness in my chest when I go home. I can't explain it. It's as if I know that Cedar Rapids was just something that I needed to get away from. I feel like a completely different person when I'm in Cedar Rapids than I do when I'm in Cedar Falls. As we turned onto the Hudson Road exit, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and it felt as though a huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders. Cedar Falls really isn't anything special, but for some reason I love it. I'm really happy here.

After unpacking everything that I'd brought home with me over break, I headed over to Seth's. I walked in to him cooking me a fancy dinner in nice clothes and a tie. It was the most adorable thing. He was just frantically running around with a towel over his shoulder, trying to make everything perfect. Then we sat at the table in his living room and ate his fantastic meal and drank some wine by candlelight. We chilled with his roommates for a while, who are both so awesome. And they treat me like an old friend, which really adds to the enjoyment of going over there and drinking a few beers with them.

After dinner we watched Bottle Rocket in his room. But the anticipation was so built up from not having seen one another for a while, that it was hard to focus on anything but each other.

I ended up staying over, and despite the fact that we both had to wake up early the next morning for class, we stayed up talking until at least 4. For some reason I felt closer to him that night than I ever had before. Everything about the night was perfect. While we were laying in bed talking in the dark, we both opened up to each other on another level. It was wonderful to share that with him. He told me about the time he first met me and what was going through his head. We opened up about past relationships we'd gone through and survived. He told me he had missed me over break and I told him I would miss him when he leaves. He's promised to write me letters.

I left his house in the morning with bittersweet feelings. On one hand I was so happy that our relationship had been taken to the next level, but on the other hand the only thing I could think about was how I've been handed something so wonderful, only to be forced to let it go. Some people probably think I'm getting too fixated on this situation, but it's hard, it's really hard. Especially since we're just starting to get to know each other. And I'm really starting to like him. A lot. A lot, a lot. It's that wonderful phase of a relationship where there's no fighting and no annoyances, everything is perfect, and you're uncovering this person and discovering that there's so much more to them than you ever thought there was. You're pulling back their layers and searching for the heart of their thoughts and their feelings, and you slowly start to realize that they're letting you. They're letting you open them up and they're letting you get through this guard they've built up so carefully for themselves.

After he leaves, I don't really know how I'm going to react. I don't know how long it will take for me to get over him, or forget about him, or move on to someone else. But I'm really really glad I've gotten to know him and spend so much time with him.