I'm sorry, I'm trying to be strong for the both of us but I can't always do that. Sometimes I need you too.  Sometimes I want reassurance and sometimes I'm just not satisfied with my own thoughts. I can feel my throat closing up because I'm slowly realizing that there's still so much more time between us and that my bones are slowly breaking under the weight of all of this stress. I need my friends more than ever right now but I can't spare any time to do anything but close myself off in order to diligently keep up with my classes. I need someone to recognize that I'm not okay and I need someone to show up at my doorstep and shake the sadness out of me with movie marathons and long talks under covers in the dark. Yet I refuse to reach out for help. I think it makes me strong but in reality it weakens me more than anything else. But I'm being stubborn. I know I'm being stubborn but I can't stop myself. On the inside I'm screaming through my ears and pounding on my ribcage but on the outside I am numb and my face is hollow. I need to be back at school. Not just because you're there. I love you. I do. But I miss being surrounded by others just like me and I miss being a ten minute walk away from the people I can relate to the most. I miss the smell of my building and the warmth of the laundry room. I even miss spending hours in the library with the creaky wooden door. I miss walking back to my room late at night listening to Sufjan and studying the lonely, waving trees. I need to get out of here. I'm so very sad and with reluctance I'm coming to terms with the fact that this sadness will reside deep within me for the remainder of summer.