Release.

I went to Chicago this weekend hoping to get away, but you can't really get away from yourself. It was fun though. I've almost completely convinced myself that I'm going to move to the city for at least a few years once I graduate. I fear that if I don't I'll regret it and wonder why I never gave it a shot.

I've let you down but it's for the best for a while.
There's no way this will get better if I can't have space to breathe. I'm feeling suffocated, gasping for my own air. I've been locked up for the first two months of summer and now that I'm free I need to really be free, free from everything and everyone.

I'm starting to lose my grip on who I've always thought I was. I don't recognize my own actions anymore. I can't quite tell if that's good or bad. I think of my decisions this summer and the things I've lost because of these decisions, and still manage to feel content with my life. A lot of people who I used to consider my friends have slipped away, but it doesn't seem to bother me. Not that I don't care about these people, but because I would rather spend time alone than spend time with people who have become strangers I can no longer relate to.

I've learned that I don't have to have someone to talk to about every aspect of my daily life. Today's society has been raised thinking that it's okay to spew every single thought that passes through their brain. I wish people would realize that the words coming out of their mouths are worthless, that they shouldn't bother when no one really cares. I'm completely content with keeping my daily activities to myself. I vocalize things friends if I feel they're important or interesting, but that's all. Minimalistic conversations. The bare necessities, and that's the way it should be. But I suppose if everyone were that way, the world would be far too boring. I wouldn't have ditzy teenage girls' pointless stories to make fun of. Anyway, I digress.

I've completely let go of religion and the concept of "god" this summer. It's strange to label myself atheist, but I feel as though my entire religious education has been a lie. It feels like I've finally opened my eyes to the truth, and it's refreshing. It feels good to be realistic rather than naive, educated rather than talked at.

I've begun taking my film camera with me everywhere. That and my old, ripped up Kurt Vonnegut paperbacks. It's wonderful to wander around outside snapping pictures and stopping occasionally for water and a chapter. Clears my mind, which is everything to me these days.