What I really desire the most at this point in my life is someone to go on adventures with me. I want someone who is not afraid of getting sweaty, getting dirty, looking foolish, losing sleep, getting lost, or meeting new people. This desire seems harder to come by lately. I am uncomfortable with the fact that everyone seems content with a pattern of the same people, the same places, the same sleep cycle, and the same routines. I am not opposed to serenity and consistency, I simply desire a healthy variety between routine and spontaneity.
I wake up with stars in my eyes and fall asleep with a dull disappointment pounding against my chest. Where is the excitement that I had envisioned for June through August? I refuse to believe a requirement for thrill is being in a committed and steady relationship only so you have a partner willing to do these things with you.

Sometimes I fear that I'll never find anyone I like enough to settle down with. It's an irrational, striking fear, one that sometimes wakes me up in a panic and cold sweat in the dead of the night. I simply do not care. Not one cell in my body cares enough to put forth effort to be with someone. It's a weary cycle of meeting, coffee, and boredom. You're never going to be exactly what I envision so I refuse to go any further than a one night stand with you, and rarely even that. I shoot down anyone even slightly out of my criteria because of my fear of marriage/commitment/divorce/whatever. I wish desperately for someday to find someone who makes my eyes go cloudy and makes my heart feel light, I want to understand the piety of each persons' perception of the word "you" and I want to feel comfort and security at the thought of this "you". I want a home and children and future with "you" but I fear that I'm too fastidious for this dream. I am so afraid because nothing is ever enough for me.