How I've Been Feeling About Life Lately

My last post was slightly over dramatic, thank you PMS. But I do seem to be slightly hung up on Taylor. I'll come back to that in a moment.

Here's what I really need to talk about: the fact that this is the first time that I've actually felt really good about myself. I've never really thought of myself as someone that "all the guys" would be after, or whatever, and I never really have been. There's never really been a solid period of time when I've been single, but now that I have been for over three months, suddenly I've gotten all sorts of attention. Which took me completely by surprise. And I love it, I love all this attention. I mean, jesus christ, one of the school basketball players has said something to someone about me. He wanted me to come to a party he was at that one of my friends was throwing. And, believe me, this guy could pretty much get any girl. It just amazes me that he wants me, out of all people. Attention like this makes me never want to be tied down in a relationship again. But then, sometimes I'm reminded of how lonely single life can be. Which brings me to my next topic.

I can't seem to shake the feeling about Taylor that has snuck up on me so suddenly. We went to a party again on Friday night, he was insanely drunk and I just had a couple of beers in me. We didn't hook up as much as we did the first time. We really only kissed a couple times. For the last portion of the night, for about an hour, we were really just cuddling on the couch. His arms were around me, and my legs were swung over his while my face was buried in his neck, breathing him in. It was something so simple, but it was perfect. It just felt right. I'm so comfortable with him, he just makes me feel...at home. I just kept thinking, "how is this any different than us dating?" Everyone saw us together. We had both sobered up by then. But I know full well that when I walk into French class tomorrow we're both going to act like nothing ever happened. I really don't know what to do anymore. At this point I really just wish I didn't have any feelings for him. He sends me so many mixed signals that I'm in a constant state of confusion.

In other news: that night at the part we discussed having sex together on prom night and agreed to it. We shook on it and everything. So. That's happening.

Still unsure of where I'll be going to college. I can't even get into that right now because every time I think about it I just get so frustrated I want to scream.

Ready for the month of May to come. Interested to see how certain events of summer play out.