My Serious Concern For Myself

Lately I hate everyone. I have no idea why or where the hell it came from, but I can't help it. Everything, everyone is irritating to me. Everyone is smiley and happy and I want to hole up in my room for days at a time with only my cat and my Friends DVDs. The problem with everyone suddenly irritating me is the fact that it's making me feel extra isolated and more alone than usual. I feel as though no one understands how I've been feeling lately because I can't clearly explain it myself. And when I've tried explaining my emotions to those who ask, I mostly get "I'm sorry"s and sad faces and then they move on with their lives. And it's not as though I blame these people who are trying to make me feel better, and I certainly don't expect them to do anything about my problem...I just wish I wasn't feeling this way. Generally when I'm feeling down I can just be around friends or push the issue out of my mind and instantly feel better. And if I could do that in this case, I absolutely would. And I've tried, I really have, it's just that nothing has been working.

I've convinced myself that it's a combination of the loneliness of not having someone there for me at all times and the confusion I've been having about Taylor (not even going to get into that). It's not that I don't enjoy being single, because oh man I do. I really do. It's just that sometimes it's a little depressing, seeing everyone around you have someone to turn to while I have my own head to go inside of and nothing/no one else.

Something else that I've been noticing lately has really been getting me down: for whatever reason, a lot of people like to come to me with their problems. Both my close friends and those that I'm associated with but really only talk to in classes. When my friends come to me with problems, of course I'm always more than happy to be a good listener and give them as adequate advice as I can. But when it comes to my problems, there doesn't really seem to be anyone out there who genuinely gives a shit. It's really painful when you attempt to open up to someone and hear them respond with "mmhmms" and "uh huhs" and realize that they're reading texts on their phone and not paying attention to you whatsoever. And people wonder why I'm such an introvert.



***for my friends who may or may not read this: I don't actually hate you. I'm just going through a tough time right now, please don't take this offensively!