I just wrote an unnecessarily long and whiney paragraph bitching about everything that I'm sick of but I decided to erase it because I figure that no one would want to read that sort of melodramatic shit. I didn't even want to reread it.
What I hate the MOST out of all my whiney, bitchy, and completely senseless girl problems is the fact that everyone seems to have someone to turn to, really, whenever they're in need. I miss having someone appreciate me for who I am. Not appreciate sex with me. Not appreciate me as in a oh-yeah-I'll-invite-her-to-this-group-thing-but-only-because-she's-always-invited-even-though-she-just-kind-of-sits-there kind of way. But really appreciate me. I miss phone calls and late night visits and feeling someone's arms around me. When someone who really cares about you just wraps their arms around you, real tight, oh god that's the greatest thing. It seems to melt away any negativity you've been feeling that day, and I haven't experienced that in far too long. The fact of the matter is, I fucked up both my relationships. Both of them. As much as I'd like to pin it on the other person and say that they were just being total fucking dick heads, I know deep down that I was the one who drove them away. And I don't miss those relationships, I really don't. I've learned from them and won't make the same mistakes again...it's just that the end of both of those relationships stemmed the realization of how much of a worthless human being I seem to be.
Self-loathing is beginning to bombard my vocabulary.
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